Swing easy. Lead strong.
The golf cart came roaring from our left then disappeared into the woods on the right, looking for their lost ball. A cussing streak trailed behind them, landing on my ears, but not my dad’s. He was too busy geeking out over the wildflowers we’d just seen as we walked off the last tee box.
His tee shot had landed right in the middle of the fairway.
His swing? Nice and easy.
The guys that were cussing? Their swings were not so nice and easy.
Swing your best
According to one of golf’s great heroes, Bobby Jones,
You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.
And isn't it funny how golf - heck any sport really - mirrors life?
When we go into any big moment feeling clear-headed, focused and grounded, we just seem to be at our best.
When a direct report comes to us, it feels so different than when we go to our boss.
Meeting a potential client someone referred to us feels much lighter than when we introduce ourselves at networking events.
We're more likely at our best speaking to a group of interns than speaking to our professional association.
So what's getting in the way of us being our best? If we follow Bobby Jones' philosophy, it's all the things that get in our head.
We're too busy thinking & worrying, set on proving we can actually do this thing, and we actually end up doing worse.
How many times have we prepped a slide deck full of data only to lose the room the deeper we dive? Or that networking event where we rambled about our services even as eyes glazed over and they started leaning toward the nearest exit.
When we come in feeling like we have something to prove we often end up pushing the very thing we want further away.
Before you know it, the board would rather hear from your spry subordinate than another data dense deck from you. People scatter like roaches when the lights come on when they see you at the Chamber Coffee. Your tee shot heads to the woods instead of the fairway.
Connecting to what matters
Our playing partners came in that day with something to prove. They’ve been envious of my dad's swing and scores for years, practicing to drive the ball longer, to have fewer putts. Yet for all that practice what did they actually get? Lost balls and high scores. You could practically see the tension build up as they would step up to the ball. Shoulders tight, brows creased, jaws clenched.
My dad on the other hand? Calm, cool, and collected.
He wasn’t trying to convince anyone of his golf skills. He wasn’t running through a check list a mile long as he stepped up to the ball. He just let his swing happen.
Here’s the thing: when proving runs the show, we don’t just lose the room. We lose trust. We lose momentum. And over time, that gap between our ideas and our impact only grows. Promotions stall, credibility slips, and people stop inviting us into the conversations that matter most.
But when presence takes the wheel, people stop resisting and start leaning in. They hear us. They remember us. They trust us.
So the next time you step up to the ball — or to the boardroom — notice what’s running the show. Are you tensing up, running through a mile-long checklist, trying to prove you belong? Or can you let it go, breathe, and connect to what — and who — really matters in that moment? That’s where presence lives.
And when we're present in the moment and with our people, that's when ideas start to stick, projects move forward, and your leadership finds the sweet spot.
If you’re wondering how to put this into practice, here are a few quiet signals to reflect on…
Quiet Signals
(Try these as journaling prompts)
In your last high-stakes conversation, did you feel more like you were trying to prove… or to connect?
What’s your personal “tell” that you’ve slipped into convince mode? (Over-explaining? Rambling? Talking faster?)
Imagine you already have the influence you want - that people listen to your ideas and immediately take action. How would you approach important conversations differently?
Signal Boosts
Ready to let go of proving and start connecting? I've got 2 Presence Power Session spots open here at the end of September... perfect for getting tuned-up before a year-end review or a planning meeting. Reply to grab yours.
Need ideas on how to create better ideas? Check out
my take on the classic
Made To Stick by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.
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Hi there! I'm Jackie.
I help thoughtful people turn clarity + connection into the kind of leadership others want to follow.
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