The Open Line

Honest conversations. Real presence. Leadership people want to follow.

↓

In gratitude for those who've made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms, may this Memorial Day honor them and their families.

What we assume

The hotel door pad lit up green and as we opened the door to step inside, the tang of ammonia hit my nose. Not quite the stench of a sketchy gas station bathroom, but close enough that I started questioning every decision that led to crossing this threshold.

I was traveling with my parents on a whirlwind road trip to my nephew’s high school graduation. My dad had made the travel arrangements a month earlier, selecting a hotel brand he’s used many times before. A brand that had been steady, dependable, fresh, clean and spacious. So trustworthy that he pre-paid for the convenience and the better rate.

So you can imagine our surprise when we rolled our suitcases into a dark, outdated, unmanned lobby. The surprises kept coming as we stepped into the oddly ‘aromatic’ room and spotted scratched up furniture, a tiny toilet space and harshly lit vanity.

Luckily the important surfaces, sheets and towels were fairly clean. And given it was pouring rain and we were just plain worn out, we decided it was good enough to get us a decent night’s sleep.

Same brand, next day, different city: a beautiful, fresh hotel with exceptional service and a spacious, well-lit room with nary a scratch on any surface. Best of all? The air was free of funky fragrances.

The second hotel felt like exhaling. Which was exactly what we needed - we had a graduation to get to!

As the graduates filed in wearing the expected cap and gowns, plenty of unexpected details were spotted - sparkles on sneakers, worn work boots, pops of colorful hair - some might say it’s a sign of this generation’s apathetic nature. We see it in news reports, on neighborhood group chats, social media rants: this rising generation just isn’t motivated, they don’t care, aren’t interested in social norms. And then one of the high school’s administrators began their speech inviting us to see past their apathetic reputation.

She challenged our assumptions. She asked us to get curious instead, to actually listen to what matters to them. Because they do have very specific ideas, values and motivations. And if we write them off based on assumptions, we're missing the tender-hearted idealism they're quietly building their lives around.

I see it with our two nephews who graduated this year. They’re on different sides of the family, live hundreds of miles apart, one is in a large city, the other is in a rural town. People outside their immediate circle might make some pretty big assumptions based on the classes they took and how they spend their time. But those who know them, who take the time to get curious about their perspective, discover they're making decisions based on what matters to them, not simply following standards or status quo.

I left that gymnasium thinking about assumption versus curiosity. How often do we miss what's actually there because we've already decided what we'll find?

I think about the meetings I've sat in where someone walked in already knowing what the room needed to hear. The expert with the perfectly prepared deck. The manager who'd already diagnosed the problem before anyone spoke. The presenter who answered questions nobody asked.

And I think about the moments when someone walked in genuinely curious instead. When they asked a question they didn't already know the answer to. When they leaned in instead of launching in.

Those rooms felt completely different. And the ideas that moved forward? Almost always came from the second kind of conversation.

You likely have a graduate or two in your own circle - one who’s operating outside of the status quo. And while others might be making assumptions, you feel that twinge of pride and admiration for how your graduate is so connected to what matters to them.

If you'd like that same connection with your team, your stakeholders or your own sense of what's possible, I’d be honored to guide you from assumptions to discovery. Because the most important conversations in our work are the ones where we’re doing more listening than assuming.

Truly,
Jackie

​
​

Quiet Signals

What to notice this week:

• Where in your work are you preparing what you want to say instead of getting curious about what they need to hear?

• Think of someone in your life you might be underestimating. What would you discover if you got genuinely curious about what matters to them?

• When did an assumption recently cost you a real conversation?

Signal Boost

Want to explore how assumptions can get in the way of connection? Check out these books:

Hi there! I'm Jackie. I help thoughtful people influence outcomes without having to become someone they’re not. ​LinkedIn Website​