So you remember that rookie quarterback in the previous email? The one who played scared against the #1 ranked team? After that loss, he had time to watch film, get coached, and figure out his approach for the next game.
How do you think he might’ve played in the next game after that? How would you want him to play?
Me and a gazillion football fans were wondering: How would he show up?
He answered that question pretty quickly. They got the ball first and he led the offense on to the field as the game got underway. Just a few yards gained on the first drive, same for the second, then they actually lost yards on the third ‘drive.’ I put that in quotes because they didn’t drive at all. They couldn’t even get the car out of the garage. They actually started backing up into the house.
The quarterback tried running, he tried handing the ball to the running back, he attempted short passes that missed their target.
And then finally! He threw the ball down the field! He must’ve read my email!
But, he threw it late. A defender stepped into the pass and caught it before our receiver could. Interception. Sigh.
That play was the last time we saw our young quarterback on the field that day.
The fan in me was excited: the next quarterback came in to finish the game and finished it well.
The leadership coach in me was disappointed: I wanted to see how the rookie would respond to ‘failure’.
Failures are frustrating in the moment, but are often what we point to as pivotal milestones.
Pivotal for the team and for the leader.
Teams want to see how the leader responds: will they blow up, blame others, bow out?
Leaders want to understand what happened: what could be sharper, what they missed, what they’d do differently.
The interception can tell a rookie quarterback about timing, about his footwork, and more importantly about how his throw is being received. A throw that’s too early will have the receiver not looking yet or reaching out too far. A throw that’s too late will have the receiver too far down the field and in our case… a throw that’s late gives the defender way too much time to adjust to the ball. Interception.
A failure I often hear from clients is that their idea got shot down. Or they’re frustrated at how they showed up for a big interview or their presentation felt flat. Even a call with their boss that went sideways can be seen as failure.
They begin to critique their technique.
We’ve been in the game long enough to know these are important moments. We start analyzing our conversations as soon as the call ends. And then again when we wake up at 3am. We come back from the bathroom shaking our head: man, I should’ve said THIS!
But replaying what WE said keeps us focused on the wrong thing. The presentation didn’t fail because of our words. It failed because the room needed something we didn’t give them.
The idea won’t land with better words, it lands with better connection.
The ones who nail it next time aren’t the ones who rehearse more. They’re the ones who get curious about the room.
Many a good throw never reaches the receiver, not because the quarterback can’t throw, but because he never studied the coverage.
What if we use the flubbed presentation to learn more about the room itself?
So you know that workshop I did a few weeks ago? The one I wasn’t sure how it would land?
As the host introduced me, I could hear myself saying “Jackie, you’re going to nail this opening story. Own it.” I stepped up into the pocket, took a look or two at the receivers, then threw it down the field.
I wish I could say the fans stomped and cheered, but that opening story felt more like a first down instead of a touchdown. I hesitated. The energy I put into my first line had it sounding more like a question than a statement. Daggum it. I know I can do better.
Yet as the workshop went on, I found my footing. I got out of my head and got present with the people. I remembered who they are and what they care about. I made it more about them than me.
The group began to connect and share insights with each other. They started leaning into my stories. They took notes, hungry for details.
They reminded me of why I was here. I started moving more, even did a happy dance when someone shared a keen insight! But it was when they talked of how they shifted from being nervous to now being excited, that’s when I knew I’d scored.
Next time I’ll spend less time in my head about what I’m saying and more time curious about who’s receiving it.
Truly,
Jackie
Quiet Signal
Think about a recent conversation that didn’t land the way you hoped. What did the room’s reaction tell you about what they actually needed?
Signal Boosts
Sometimes the room needs healthy disagreement. October's No Reading Required book chat covers The Art of Fighting, a great resource for sheparding group discussions. Join us 10/20 for fun conversations about serious ideas. Reply for details.
Know a woman who's eager to start or grow her business? The
Gather and Grow Conference is the perfect place to learn, as well as meet other supportive solopreneurs. My session
How to talk about what you do - and why AI can't do it for you is on 10/20 (Using my affiliate
link to sign up sends me a small share in the revenue.)
Reading the room will be the focus of the 2nd part in my 3-part series for The Credit Union Connection,
Showing up when it matters most. Expect part 2 to be published in early November. 'Til then read part 1,
Preparing for impromptu. You just might recognize a recent story I shared here!
Signals I'm Receiving
For me, keeping love bouyant through the decades has meant giving and receiving love through small moments. Sometimes it means receiving beautiful flowers! He still knows how to send delightful surprises! Here's to 29 years together and another 29 to come.
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Hi there! I'm Jackie.
I help thoughtful people show up fully without having to become someone they’re not.
LinkedIn Website
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Thank you for reading!
PS: If this, or any of my work, has made an impact, please consider supporting it by:
- forwarding this to those wondering why their ideas weren't received
- replying with a note (I really do read and respond!)
- bringing me in (virtually or IRL) to speak to your group
- connecting on LinkedIn
