The bad side of good ideas
As I grabbed another tissue from the bedside table, my laptop shifted, but I could’ve sworn I heard the group simply move on. I sat upright, trying to think through the cold meds, to focus on the meeting. Yup, they did it. They barrelled straight from good idea to planning. And all I could muster was a sigh as I leaned back on the pillows.
What is it about those moments in meetings that bring out our sighs, that get our eyes rolling, that have us shaking our heads and dropping our shoulders?
I call them the ‘they just don’t get it’ moments.
Meetings up to this point are likely going well - good mix of input from the group, ideas flowing, discussion was upbeat - in fact they’re going so well someone starts talking about next steps, timelines and tactics.
But have you noticed that’s usually when the energy shifts? People get quiet. Tension builds.
We WANT to get on board with this good idea - it seems to make sense after all - yet there’s something happening here that just doesn’t fit.
It’s hard to put a finger on it, so we just go with the flow of the meeting, not wanting to disrupt the momentum. Yet, momentum starts to fall off anyway as people are less eager to chime in and the conversation becomes more stilted.
It might show up as not volunteering to take on some of the tactics or simply leaning back and breaking eye contact, but there’s something deeper happening here.
What the heck are we even doing?
Why does this matter?
What’s the point?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that in my head and kicked myself for not saying it out loud (well with a bit more diplomacy than that, but maybe not much more)!
I hear it in coaching calls as well. Clients and colleagues all leaving meetings - especially this time of year - so frustrated when attention-grabbing ideas move ahead without much discernment. They tried voicing concern, maybe even the group tied the idea back to goals and KPIs or whatever, but it all seemed to be surface-level.
It’s like no one was truly listening. No one was able to really ask why does THIS idea matter? To THIS goal, to OUR group, to THOSE clients?
And that’s the part we skip. Not the planning. Not the execution. We skip the pause that asks whether the idea actually belongs here.
Because real listening doesn’t just gather input, it tests fit.
It asks:
- Is this idea aligned with what we’re trying to do?
- Does it serve the people we say we’re here for?
- Is it worth advancing, or does it just sound good in the moment?
Without that pause, ideas may move forward — but they do so untethered. And people feel it even if they can’t quite say why.
That’s when meetings start producing activity instead of alignment, motion instead of momentum.
Listening, at this level, isn’t passive, it’s discerning. It slows the group down just enough to prevent wasted effort later.
And often, it sounds less like agreement and more like a brave question:
“Help me understand why this matters.”
“To this goal.”
“To this team.”
“To these clients.”
When that question is welcomed, ideas sharpen. When it’s skipped, energy quietly drains out of the room. And everyone leaves thinking the same thing:
They just don’t get it.
This is the type of listening that turns conversations into collaboration.... not by adding more ideas but by helping the right ones take root.
Truly,
Jackie
Quiet Signals
What to notice in meetings this week:
- The moment an idea jumps straight to timelines and tactics and the room gets quieter instead of more energized
- When people nod, but stop building on each other’s thoughts
- When momentum feels rushed rather than earned
- When the question “Why this?” never actually gets asked only assumed
Signal Boosts
If you want to explore this idea a bit more, here are a few ways to go deeper — all optional, all pressure-free:
Practice one “yes, and” question
Instead of evaluating ideas too quickly, try advancing them with curiosity:
“Yes, and how does this connect to our goal right now?”
(This came up in my recent
CUInsight piece with Cynthia on advancing ideas without shutting people down.)
Name the pause
If a conversation feels rushed, try saying:
“Before we plan this, can we make sure we’re aligned on why it matters?”
That pause is leadership, not resistance.
January No Reading Required Book Club
We’re gathering on January 20 to explore The Trusted Advisor a classic on trust, presence, and influence that doesn’t rely on charisma or cleverness. No reading required. Come curious. Leave with insight you can actually use. Reply to this email and I'll send you the calendar invite & link.
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Hi there! I'm Jackie.
I help thoughtful people turn clarity + connection into the kind of leadership others want to follow.
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